San Quentin Football?

The recent case of Plaxico Burress being arrested for shooting himself with an unlicensed gun got me thinking, man the NFL is full of stupid people. I did some some research and came to the realization we could field an entire football team (and then some) with former and current NFL stars who have had run ins with the law. There were at least 35 players arrested in 2006 and of the 509 players in the NFL in 2005, 21% had some kind of incident with the police.

First of all, we could name the entire Minnesota Vikings roster from 2005-06 for their infamous boat party, but that is just too many players, so just know that there are about 20-25 right there.

So lets start with the offense which has 10 all-pro's and could have up to four Hall of Famers:
Quarterback: Michael Vick - This is an easy pick, after all he was one of the most talented players in the league before being convicted of dogfighting charges.
Running Backs: O.J. Simpson, Michael Pittman - There are so many to pick from here, but you have to go with Hall of Famer Simpson, who got away with murder but then was stupid enough to get caught again for robbery/kidnapping, and Pittman, who is a Superbowl champion and a multiple offender of Drunk Driving....(honorable mention - Ricky Williams)
Tight End/Receivers: Rae Carruth, Michael Irvin, Chris Henry, Randy Moss, Plaxico Burress, Jerramy Stevens, Daniel Graham - Carruth is an easy choice being convicted of a drive by murder of his pregnant girlfriend (i guess breaking up wasn't an option?). Irvin and Moss are the best one's of the group. Irvine had multiple arrests for drugs (who can forget him walking into his court date wearing a fur coat and designer sunglasses) and Moss had that amazing arrest when he decided to run over a police officer who stopped him for a simple traffic violation (he couldn't afford the $150 speeding ticket?). Henry has more DUI's then touchdown catches in his career and Stevens and Graham made our list as tight ends for harassment/drunk driving.
Offensive Lineman: Nate Newton, Todd Burger, Nick Naczur, Kareem McKenzie, Barrit Robbins - You have to choose multiple all-pro Newton who despite making over $50 million in his career thought he needed some extra pocket change and was caught selling pot. Burger played over 10 years in the NFL and then made a career switch and became a hit-man for an illegal gambling ring. Naczur was arrested for having illegal prescription drugs and ended up wearing wires for the FBI to get a lower plea. Robbins is just your average attempted murderer and McKenzie is the newcomer on the list as he only has a couple DUI's to his credit.

Next is Defense:
Defensive Lineman: Tank Johnson, Jonathan Babineaux, Tommy Kelly, Jonathan Sullivan - Babineaux is just another Atlanta Falcon arrested for animal abuse (must be something in the water down there), Johnson has had so many disputes with law enforcement I can't even get into it, and Kelly and Sullivan are all about illegal drugs.
Linebackers: Dhani Jones, James Harrison, Ray Lewis, Ernie Sims - Jones and Sims are on here for drunk driving and resisting arrest...no biggie. Pro-bowler Harrison beat up his 29-year-old girlfriend for a charge of simple assault (I'm sure she thought it was simple too) and Ray Lewis was involved in a murder.....just another day in the life of an NFL linebacker.
Defensive Backs: Pacman Jones, Justin Miller, Lawyer Milloy, Terrance Kiel, Donte Nicholson - Jones has been arrested 13 times since 2006....even O.J. thinks he needs to calm down. Milloy only has a DUI on his resume. Kiel was arrested for drugs before begin killed in a car accident, Miler was the fastest man in the league but couldn't outrun the cops when resisted arrest for possession and Bucs safety Nicholson was tasered twice during a fight with police officers at a club....oye!
Kicker: Sebastian Janikowski - Yes, we even have a kicker on this list! Janikowski is just your average alcoholic who has been in more bar fights than Russel Crowe. Janikowski reminds me of one of those characters from the movie Gangs of New York. Drink in a bar and take the first person who looks at you wrong outside and beat the living shit out them.

Now it doesn't end there, after all we need some coaches to keep these guys in check. Arizona assistant coach Richie Anderson can run the offense with his running back background and two DUI's to his credit. Titans assistant Chuck Cecil takes care of the defense for a driving while under the influence. But the head spot has to go to Joe Cullen, who was arrested twice while an assistant for the Detroit Lions. Once for DUI and next for driving drunk and naked through a drive-thru window.....(i don't want to know where he was keeping his change). Even the men in charge of the men who have been arrested have been arrested. Got to love the NFL.

But wait, there's more. I mean we have to think about the fans. They need something to look at while the game is at commercial. That's why we even have a few cheerleaders on this list. Amazing, the broads in charge of doing nothing but shaking their tuchis' while wearing G-Strings have been arrested. Tampa Bay Cheerleader and former Bachelor star Mary Delgado was arrested two months ago for assaulting the Bachelor she chose at a local bar. And two Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders were arrested for having sex in a public bathroom and assaulting another patron at a Tampa Bay bar just 10 hours before they were supposed to be at the football field. We only know one of their names, Angela Keathley, since the other one gave the phony name of a different cheerleader on the squad when she was arrested. I'm sure that made for a fun day at work on Sunday.

I always thought the NBA had the most idiotic people in it, but that simply isn't the case. The NFL is loaded with moronic people. From the guys playing, to the men coaching, to the chics dancing, this league is filled with brainless millionaires who think they are above the law.

However, one thing out of all this is very clear. This team, even though it is filled with some men who haven't played in five, 10, even 30 years, could still today beat the Detroit Lions.