Penis Is The New Boob

Gone are the days when we went to the movies with the hope of only seeing a boob, maybe two if we were lucky, on the big screen. We've entered the new millennium my friends. The era of men showing their balls and penis' on screen for laughs, and I'm eating them up.........eesh, bad choice of words.

Three of the top grossing comedies of the last year, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Forgetting Sarah Marshall and Zack and Miri Make A Porno all have one thing in common, men walking around stark naked.

It makes sense, the vagina and boob are so 1996. This is 2008, we as a people need more to bring laughter to our lives. We won't settle for the same old jokes anymore. We need something fresh and new. And what's fresher than a man's flaccid penis?

It's just amazing to me that major motion pictures can get away with this. Even Cinemax, the late night king of soft porn, can't show a man's penis. And I would know, I've been watching it since I was four.....sorry mom.

Now I'm not saying I don't like boobs anymore. I love boobs. Heck, I'll probably look at boobs when I'm done writing this. But the fact remains that there is something comical when a man shows his cock 'n' balls. When Jason Segel was completely naked in Forgetting Sarah Marshall for what seemed like a half hour, I was laughing uncontrollably. And when he bent over and his testicles were an inch away from touching the ground, a smile was brought to my face that I haven't had since childhood (for completely different reasons.....I hope).

We all knew it would come to this. We as young boys used to be dumbfounded in the gym locker room when old men would walk around completely naked swinging from limb to limb like they were playing whiffle ball, yet we would still chuckle at it. I now know why. The man's penis, no matter what age, is funny. And I'm glad too. If the day ever comes when I start giggling like a school girl because a woman was walking around naked, that's the day I turn in my gun and badge. Why do you think women always laugh when they see a dildo? It's not cause they're happy, it's because there's something funny about a veiny penis. I get it.

In Walk Hard, we don't even see the guy's face who is flaunting his package, just his abs to his knees (by the way, that was a little too close to John C. Reilly's face for comfort if you ask me, but I guess that's why he's such a good actor). And that's the way I want it. If I'm going to be staring at your balls for an extended period of time, I don't want to look you in the eye. I don't even want to know you have a face. I prefer we keep this strictly professional. You show your dong for laughs, I laugh, we move on. End of story.

This is a copycat world we live in. One man shows his penis on the big screen, it gets laughs, next thing you know every major comedy across the board has naked men in it. If Charlie Chaplin were alive today, he'd be doing a silent picture with his cock hanging out......and the theater would be packed.

Will Ferrell, Jason Mewes, Jason Segel, Seth Rogan (only ass, no balls), all of these men have taken off their clothes for the sake of comedy, and they're laughing all the way to the bank. Remember when it used to be indecent and wrong to show your naked body on screen? Those days are gone. It's now the sheik thing to do. If you don't have a shot of a penis in your new movie, then you're asking for a box office blunder.

So if you're looking for some good ole fashioned family comedy, don't go see any of these movies. But if you're in the mood to look at another man's naked body while laughing, then head out to theaters to see Zack and Miri, or go to the video store (those still exist right?) and rent Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

I would suggest you do what I do when you're done watching though. Put on a little all lesbian porn just as a reminder that the penis is for comedy, but this is still what we're really all about.